Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Terror in the Minivan

O.K.  Maybe that title is a bit overdramatic, but do you remember this post about my little one's new found talent for belching??  Well, I certainly want to be fair and balanced, so here's a glimpse into the other side of her personality - the side that is definitely dainty and feminine.

This past Sunday, I had the girls in the van as we were riding to drop the oldest one off at a church activity.  Suddenly, Emily let out a blood curdling scream of terror.  Of course, I was driving and had to try my best to continue focusing on the road and traffic, but my heart was pounding.  I said, "What is it?" certain that she had somehow managed to cut off an appendage or something of similar magnitude.  What else but something so severe could cause such terror?!?

"There's a bug!" she shouted.

"Is it on you?" I asked as I pictured a heinous and yet undiscovered species of insect that was surely stinging her, or biting her, or possibly devouring the tender flesh of my precious little angel.

"No.  It's up there," she said.  "It's on the ceiling above her seat," Megan chimed in.

(At this point, remember that I am still trying to drive down a busy road and Emily is still crying hysterically.)


"What kind of bug is it?" I asked, certain that it must be a killer bee, a tarantula, or one of those "monster bugs" that is depicted in the termite commercials.





Both Megan and Emily replied, "I don't know."  (Which only validated my visions of the undiscovered species.)

In a stroke of genius, I pushed the button and rolled down Emily's window.  "Tell me when it flies out," I demanded.

Then, Megan informs me, "I don't think it's the kind that flies."  Darn!  My brilliant plan was foiled.

Then, another scream from Emily.  "It's moooooving!!!" she cries.

By now, Emily was beyond hysterical.  She was practically climbing out of her seat to get away from this terrible creature.  "Mommy, get it.  Please get it," she was pleading.

I was on a two lane road with nowhere to go.  Then, I saw it - a gas station up ahead.  I whipped that minivan into the parking lot and jumped out with my proverbial "Super Mom" cape flying in the breeze.  I HAD TO SAVE MY BABY!

I opened her door and asked emphatically, "Where is it?"  She and Megan pointed, but I saw nothing.  "Where?" I repeated.  Megan graciously provided some additional details, "It crawled under the handle thingy."

"O.K." I said.  "Emily go over to the other side of the car and Megan give me your shoe!"  I readied myself to do battle and inflict the worst kind of punishment upon this awful, terrible creature that had successfully scared the "you-know-what" out of my little princess.

With shoe in one hand, I carefully lifted the car handle with the other and there it was - one of the tiniest spiders I have ever seen.  It was no bigger than the nail on my pinky finger.

Really?!?!?! I thought to myself.  This is it??  This is the thing that invoked panic and sent my four year old into hysterics??  This is the thing that almost caused me to have a heart attack which would have certainly led to a multi-car pileup??  I swear that was probably the longest five  three  two minutes I have ever spent in a vehicle - probably for Emily, too - and it was all caused by an itsy bitsy spider!!!!

There is a children's song about this guy, for Heaven's sake!

(After the ordeal was finished, I wondered if The Vegetarian was going to have any words of disapproval for me regarding the murder of the aforementioned spider.  She has done that before - seriously.  However, I guess she thought better of it after watching my eye rolling, heavy sighing, and general demeanor of displeasure.  She is smart like that, you know!)


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4 comments:

Kristine (the words i breathe) said...

Haha :) today Aiden cried hysterically and when we asked him what was wrong he said it was because Tristen was eating his Mac and cheese with a fork and not a spoon. Wtf? So crazy and strange sometimes!! At least yours was legitimately "something" to be scared/ worried about! :)

Briana@SweetCGrace said...

Haha, Waylon freaks out about gnats!

Julie said...

I seem to remember a certain Mother of 'spoons freaking out over a cockroach, and making me walk across the quad to her dorm, in the middle of the night to squish it. I'm guessing this is a genetic thing? -LOL! Glad to see your squishing abilities have improved!

Lisa said...

HaHa! I did forget about that J-Julie!!! I guess the tables have turned now that I'm a mom :~)

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