I deserve a medal for the time I . . . . .
As mothers, and perhaps as women in general, it is not in our nature to bestow such accolades upon ourselves. We are accustomed to focusing all the attention on our children, our spouse, our home, our obligations, and/or our careers. We are frequently told, "Don't forget to take care of yourself!". Again, we usually scoff at the thought. Therefore, trying to come up with a reason to give myself a medal or some sort of award was uncomfortable. It's not something I usually do.
I made a valiant effort, though. I began running through ideas in my mind. Yet, before I even got the imaginary medal halfway around my neck I found some perceived failure that would undermine the "achievement." Here is some of what ran through my head:
"I could give myself a medal for the birth of my third daughter. After all, she came out weighing over 10 pounds! BUT, women have been birthing babies for thousands of years without medical interventions or that blessed epidural I was fortunate to have. So, nope - can't get a medal for that."
"Maybe I should get an award for somewhat unwittingly volunteering to oversee the production of the elementary school's yearbook for the past two years and this year. BUT, there are others who do even more than that. Plus, I said no when they asked me to be on the PTA board, so no award for that either."
"Maybe the time I spent hours making that really fancy meal that nobody liked?? No, because what about all the times I just microwaved some Chef Boyardee?"
"Oh! I know!!! What about that time my kids were driving me crazy but I managed to hold my temper. No, that won't work either because what about all those time that I didn't?"
I could continue, but I'm sure you get the general idea, so I'll spare you from the the rest of my ramblings.
Then, one day early in the week while all of these thoughts were swirling through my head amidst what has been one insanely busy week, my oldest daughter came home from school and, the minute she got in the car I knew something was amiss. She is attending a magnet middle school for academically gifted kids this year. Since the coursework is more rigorous, they are more vigilant about sending updates. Therefore, they send home interim reports every three weeks. That day she had gotten the first. The waterworks quickly began as she told me that she had gotten a - gasp - B in math. She was upset that she had gotten a lower than usual test grade and she was afraid that her dad and I would be disappointed in her. I began attempting to console her. "It's o.k." I said. "You are only three points away from an A and this only an interim. It's not your actual report card. You have six more weeks to work on it and bring it up." She was obviously not consoled, so I continued, "And you know what? Even if you still have a B when your actual report card comes THAT'S O.K.! We don't expect you to be perfect. We just expect you to always try your best. As long as you do that, we will never be disappointed."
Um . . Hello?? It dawned on me that what I was preaching to my daughter was exactly what I needed to be preaching to myself. You see, I'm not perfect either - far from it. Yes, I got an epidural to ease the pain (all three times!), but why not? Yes, there are people who do even more volunteering that me, but I have put that yearbook together all by myself for the past two years and it turned out to be pretty good. Yes, sometimes I feed my kids crap and, yes, sometimes I lose my temper. I'm not perfect. I'm human. And this motherhood gig is hard.
It made me think of this post from my friend Robin who blogs at Pink Dryer Lint. She always has something profoundly inspirational to say just when I need to hear it. In this particular post she says:
Let this be said of us:
Some days, she looked over her household -- the happy, sweaty-headed kids who still needed their baths, the pile of books beside the chair, the loose shoes at the door, the dishes in the sink, the floor that was way overdue for a good scrubbing -- and she saw that it was good.
Good enough.
I have a mantra that I always share with others, but, for some reason, I tend to forget that it applies to me as well. It goes like this: If, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, we all go to bed healthy, knowing that we are safe, and knowing that we are loved then that is a successful day. That is enough.
It's been a crazy week here. I wrote about my wonderful, overwhelming blog week already. My husband also had a large project with a looming deadline this week. We had open houses at two different schools, soccer games and practices, piano lessons, horseback lessons, homework battles, lunches to pack, meals to get on the table, and a half day of school in the middle of it all. But, this evening, my littlest one who has largely been caught in the shuffle this week, put her arms around my neck, kissed me on the cheek, and said, "I love you Mommy. I love you more than anything in this world!" ~That is enough~
I'm not perfect. I have no earth shattering accomplishments to boast. But, I give it my all every day. (Although, some days I have more to give than others.) I love my kids. I love my husband. I do my very best to be a good mother and a good wife and a good person.
"I could give myself a medal for the birth of my third daughter. After all, she came out weighing over 10 pounds! BUT, women have been birthing babies for thousands of years without medical interventions or that blessed epidural I was fortunate to have. So, nope - can't get a medal for that."
"Maybe I should get an award for somewhat unwittingly volunteering to oversee the production of the elementary school's yearbook for the past two years and this year. BUT, there are others who do even more than that. Plus, I said no when they asked me to be on the PTA board, so no award for that either."
"Maybe the time I spent hours making that really fancy meal that nobody liked?? No, because what about all the times I just microwaved some Chef Boyardee?"
"Oh! I know!!! What about that time my kids were driving me crazy but I managed to hold my temper. No, that won't work either because what about all those time that I didn't?"
I could continue, but I'm sure you get the general idea, so I'll spare you from the the rest of my ramblings.
Then, one day early in the week while all of these thoughts were swirling through my head amidst what has been one insanely busy week, my oldest daughter came home from school and, the minute she got in the car I knew something was amiss. She is attending a magnet middle school for academically gifted kids this year. Since the coursework is more rigorous, they are more vigilant about sending updates. Therefore, they send home interim reports every three weeks. That day she had gotten the first. The waterworks quickly began as she told me that she had gotten a - gasp - B in math. She was upset that she had gotten a lower than usual test grade and she was afraid that her dad and I would be disappointed in her. I began attempting to console her. "It's o.k." I said. "You are only three points away from an A and this only an interim. It's not your actual report card. You have six more weeks to work on it and bring it up." She was obviously not consoled, so I continued, "And you know what? Even if you still have a B when your actual report card comes THAT'S O.K.! We don't expect you to be perfect. We just expect you to always try your best. As long as you do that, we will never be disappointed."
Um . . Hello?? It dawned on me that what I was preaching to my daughter was exactly what I needed to be preaching to myself. You see, I'm not perfect either - far from it. Yes, I got an epidural to ease the pain (all three times!), but why not? Yes, there are people who do even more volunteering that me, but I have put that yearbook together all by myself for the past two years and it turned out to be pretty good. Yes, sometimes I feed my kids crap and, yes, sometimes I lose my temper. I'm not perfect. I'm human. And this motherhood gig is hard.
It made me think of this post from my friend Robin who blogs at Pink Dryer Lint. She always has something profoundly inspirational to say just when I need to hear it. In this particular post she says:
Let this be said of us:
Some days, she looked over her household -- the happy, sweaty-headed kids who still needed their baths, the pile of books beside the chair, the loose shoes at the door, the dishes in the sink, the floor that was way overdue for a good scrubbing -- and she saw that it was good.
Good enough.
I have a mantra that I always share with others, but, for some reason, I tend to forget that it applies to me as well. It goes like this: If, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, we all go to bed healthy, knowing that we are safe, and knowing that we are loved then that is a successful day. That is enough.
It's been a crazy week here. I wrote about my wonderful, overwhelming blog week already. My husband also had a large project with a looming deadline this week. We had open houses at two different schools, soccer games and practices, piano lessons, horseback lessons, homework battles, lunches to pack, meals to get on the table, and a half day of school in the middle of it all. But, this evening, my littlest one who has largely been caught in the shuffle this week, put her arms around my neck, kissed me on the cheek, and said, "I love you Mommy. I love you more than anything in this world!" ~That is enough~
I'm not perfect. I have no earth shattering accomplishments to boast. But, I give it my all every day. (Although, some days I have more to give than others.) I love my kids. I love my husband. I do my very best to be a good mother and a good wife and a good person.
And that deserves a medal because that is enough.
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This post was written as part of Finish The Sentence Friday which is hosted by some wonderful blogging ladies. Please give them a visit and check out all the other blogs that participate as well!
This post was written as part of Finish The Sentence Friday which is hosted by some wonderful blogging ladies. Please give them a visit and check out all the other blogs that participate as well!
Janine at Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Stephanie at Mommy, for Real
33 comments:
Totally said a mouthful here and think you totally deserve a medal for just being you, Lisa. You are right as mothers we aren't perfect, but we always try our best and that should totally count for something. So, I couldn't agree more. Thanks as always for linking up with us!!
Lisa, you wrote what I almost wrote, 1001 times. Perfect and amazing. I cannot tell you how many times each day, each week, each post draft today, I felt like saying "I do not deserve a medal."
Love this. Huge.
You definitely deserve a medal. Our days definitely sound very much alike. Sometimes it feels overwhelming and things don't get done. But really, sometimes we just have to accept that we are enough. Well said!
Oh, Lisa, I just cannot say enough how much I LOVE this post!!!! Yes, we are enough. We will never be perfect and we will make ourselves crazy if we try to be. Such a powerful reminder. :)
LOL It's a woman thing then, cos I'm not a 'proper' mother, and I struggled to come up with a Real Reason.
BUT (new thought, dear) I disagree with your judgement.
You deserve that medal a hundred times over for what you did for Squirt...
Love this post!
Fantastic in every way! I love that you had the Oprah "A-Ha" moment for yourself. Amazing how that happens sometimes. One of my best girlfriends always says, "We are all just doing the best we can, and it is better than average".-Ashley
Thanks Janine!!! We put way too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, don't we?
Thanks Kristi!! I just hope I can actually "live" it! :-)
Thanks you Michelle!
Thanks Sarah! We don't expect perfection from others, so why do we expect it from ourselves? :-)
Awww! Thanks Lizzi! And you don't have to be a "proper mother" to deserve a medal. You are awesome and deserve a medal just for being you, too! :-)
Thanks Martha!
Better than average! Amen!
It makes me sad when women (anyone, really) puts down their own accomplishments simply because others do more. You put that yearbook together two years in a row, and regardless of what anyone else does or did, you did well! Everyone has different talents. Everyone has different situations going on in their lives. No one should compare herself to another because the starting points for each will never be the same.
End of rant.
I'm glad you are seeing the good you are doing and trying not to put pressure on yourself to be perfect.
YOU ROCK WOMAN! you are awesome for who you are...loving ourselves is the best accomplishment we make...especially as moms.
Very good points! Thanks you for reading and sharing your thoughts!
Thanks Karen!
Wow, you and Sarah were on the same page this week! Thank you for the reminder that we are enough. i know that when I get overwhelmed, I so easily forget. I get in an awful headspace, and THAT is not good for anyone. I give you a medal for that reminder too. I needed it!
You nailed it, Lisa. We (women, moms - even men, husbands, dads) beat ourselves up for not being perfect. Thanks for reminding me that I'm good enough. In fact, I think most of us are better than good enough most of the time!
You had quite a week! SITS Day! Finding Ninee! This wonderful FTSF post! I'd give you a medal for your post about Squirt. For your caring about Squirt. And for this post - because it makes us all look over at our un-bathed kids and messy living rooms, but know that them being loved and safe for another day is definitely good enough!
Lisa, you're such a sweet inspiration. This lesson of "enough" needs to be learned through repetition, doesn't it? (Perhaps this is one of the underlying reasons that we both write about it. The process helps it to sink in.)
I'm so proud of how you've grown this site, and congratulations on your action-packed week on the blog!
Thanks Rachel! Sarah and I were on the same page, but I think she is awesome so I take that as a compliment. :-) Glad the reminder helped you too!
Aw! Thanks Stephanie! I thought of trying to make a joke but I am inherently un-funny! :-)
Yes we are! :-)
Thanks Tamara! I hope that's what it does for everyone and thanks for giving me a medal for Squirt. She deserves it more than me, though! :-)
Thank you so much Robin! It definitely take some repetition and, hopefully, it will sink in. :-)
Great post! There should definitely be a MOM Medal! I didn't realize this was a series, I read Home On Deranged and will now have to check out the others, too! PS Congrats on being a feature SITS blogger, too!
Jodi from @thenoiseofboys
A lesson that I can never hear enough. Thank you. I wonder when it will ever sink in far enough not to need to hear it ever again?
So what I needed to hear!! Thank you!! I'm going to share this on my wall if you don't mind. Think it would be great for other parents to read.
Thanks so much!! I love the FTSF series - you should definitely give it a try and join up!
I can never hear it enough either, Deb. I wrote it, but I need to live it! :-)
I would love for you to share it! So glad it was helpful for you too!
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