- A Sleep Patch - This one really needs no explanation, does it? When they are infants all the way to when they are teens and beyond, moms never get enough sleep. Wouldn't it be great to have a patch we could slap on that would make us feel refreshed and rested even after spending the entire night awake with a teething infant or a broken hearted teen daughter??
- An Energy/Caffeine Patch - Now, if we had a sleep patch we might not need this one. But, if the sleep patch doesn't work, maybe we could have an energy patch. It seems that every evening, when I am running on empty, my kids get a sudden burst of energy. If only I had a patch to give me an instant shot of stamina to hang on a little longer; to stay up a few extra hours and still not be a zombie the next day; to read that story just one more time; to help finish the school project without losing my cool; to have a little spark left for the hubby even after the kids have gone to bed.
- A Whining Patch - This is a patch for our kids to wear. Can't take any more whining?? Then, just like a bandaid, stick on a NO WHINING patch and your kid is instantly unable to whine. Just thinking about it make me happy!
- The "I Want My Body Back" Patch - Pretty much every mom I know struggles with post baby body image. Most of the time, even if we work out and get back to our pre-baby weight, our bodies are just different. There might be stretch marks or parts that are
a littlea lot saggier than they used to be. We might just carry the weight in different places. What if we could temper our supposed figure flaws without liposuction? What if we could slap on a patch and make it tight and taught again??
- The Picky Eater Patch - Do your kids turn up their noses when you put peas or pork chops on their plate?? Mine do. Sometimes, I wish I had a patch to fix it. Just stick it on them and they will eat ANYTHING - even spinach and brussel sprouts!
- The Invisibility Patch - Tired of hearing, "Mom! Mommy! Mom!" Tired of your children following you all around the house and into the bathroom?? No problem. Just plaster one of these babies on your forehead and you are instantly invisible! You can see them, but they can't see you!
- The Heartbreak Patch - There are times in motherhood when you heart will inevitably break. It might be when you watch them walk into kindergarten or middle school. It might be when they are bullied or when they don't make the team. Maybe it's when they go off to college or get their own heart broken. It will happen. Moms (and dads) need a patch for that. I envision a large, heart-shaped sticker that you place directly over your own heart to make the hurt sting a little bit less.
- A Chocolate and Wine Patch - This one is for those days when you are at the end of your rope and you just need something - anything - to get you through a couple more hours. Maybe you don't actually drink or maybe your kids ate all your chocolate (The horror!). This patch would give you the same calming effect without the alcohol or the calories.
- The Patience Patch - In those seconds before the giant meltdown, when you feel it coming and you know it's going to happen, but you simply cannot control the explosion of frustration, anger, and cursing that is about to occur, grab a patch for that! Slap it on quickly, anywhere, anytime for an extra shot of patience so that maybe you can hold you temper a little bit longer; maybe just long enough to get to the other side of the situation without losing your cool.
- The No More Mommy Guilt Patch - At some point or another, all moms worry that we are screwing up our kids. We worry that we are not spending enough time with them or that we are spending too much time with them so they are too dependent. We wonder if we made the right choices about breastfeeding, sleep training, school, and punishments. We compare ourselves to other moms and think they do it better. This patch would make all of that go away. Not only would it make us shed the feelings of guilt, but, for just a little while, it would allow us to see ourselves through the eyes of our kids. We would see that we are superheroes; that were are loved so very much; that we are the perfect mom for our kids; and that we really are doing just fine.
What do you think? Which of these patches would you like to have? Any others you would add to the list?
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