The truth is, I'm not usually one to jump on a bandwagon and, previously, I really couldn't wrap my head around choosing just one word to focus on for an entire year. But this year, as I read all those other posts and was asked to prayerfully consider what word I wanted to focus on in 2015, there was (finally) a single word that kept coming to mind. I guess you could say it "spoke" to me.
I have never been a confident person. I have always had a terrible habit of comparing myself to other people in a way that focuses on my flaws. "She is so much skinnier/prettier than I am." "She is a high powered executive and I'm just a mom." "She is such great singer. I wish I had some kind of talent." "I never do crafty things with my kids the way she does." Over and over, I subconsciously convince myself that I am less than someone else and I need to stop. There are a couple specific areas in which I want to focus on confidence.
I did make a list of resolutions this year and one of them was:
A couple weeks ago, my husband actually admitted to me that he is really tired of hearing me whine about "being fat." That was a tough pill to swallow but it made me realize that, honestly, I'm pretty tired of it, too. I am not a size 6, but I am also not a weight that is actually unhealthy. I will also admit that I have been dealing with some minor but annoying health symptoms that I need to figure out. I need to appreciate and have confidence in the body I have been given. It is certainly not perfect, but it has given me three beautiful children and has taken me many, many places. It's time for me to stop berating myself and be happy (or at least content) with my physical self.
Another reason I am making confidence my word of the year is that I tend to be rather indecisive. Mostly, that's because I don't trust myself and my own judgement. I am always second guessing my decisions. I weigh the pros & cons. I weigh the "what ifs." Simply put, I overanalyze. I want to work on having the courage to make a decision with certainty. Once I make the decision, I need to let go of the other possibilities and head down the path I have chosen with assurance. Sometimes, it's little choices like where to go eat or what to wear. Other times, the selections carry much more weight. I am currently trying to come to a final decision about my interim job - whether to make it permanent or not. We are also trying to make some decisions about school for our two youngest daughters. There is definitely a need to consider and compare all the options, but, at some point, you just have to take the bull by the horns, pick a path, and put one foot in front of the other without looking back. That takes confidence and trusting yourself.
What I have come to appreciate about this word of the year concept is that change takes time. It's not like making a resolution or setting a goal where, in the end, you either succeed or fail. This way, you are simply choosing a concept, a single word, and trying to improve in that aspect of your life. If I work on my confidence for the next twelve months will I get to the point of having the tenacity to say that you should vote for me for President? Probably not. Will I be closer to that level of confidence than I am today? Without a doubt, yes.
So, that's my word - confidence. Did you choose a word of the year?