Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Helping Children Cope With Disasters and Violence

If you have turned on the news or scrolled through social media at all in the past few days, you have surely viewed the images of devastation from the earthquake in Nepal and the scenes of violence and chaos from the riots in Baltimore. It is sad and scary to know that such things are happening in our world, some of them a lot closer to home than others. Unfortunately, though, this is our reality and we cannot simply close our eyes to make it disappear.  

Try as we may, it is impossible to completely shield our children from exposure to stories like these. Kids will see it as they flip through TV channels or, if they are older, as they scroll through their own social media. They may hear about it from friends or perhaps their church or school will encourage them to make a donation to help. My children came home today with a note informing parents that the school would be collecting "Nickels for Nepal" to send to the Red Cross because a teacher in the school has family in the area. We simply cannot insulate them from it entirely.

So, the question then becomes, how do we help children cope with these harsh realities? 

  1. Listen. When kids ask questions about what's happening or share with you their feelings about difficult events, the most important thing we can do is listen to them and give them an opportunity to express themselves openly.
  2. Remember to talk to them on an age appropriate level. We all know we can't talk to our toddlers the same way we talk to our teenagers. When you are discussing these events with your children, keep in mind their developmental ability to understand abstract concepts, geography, and even numbers.
  3. Keep it simple and follow their lead. Answer their questions, but don't go overboard. Some children might be satisfied to just hear, "Something bad happened and some people were hurt." Others, obviously, will ask more questions. There is no need to give kids more information than they ask for. They may come searching for more details later or they may be content with just the minimum facts.
  4. Validate their feelings and reassure them. When Sandy Hook happened, one of my daughters had real anxiety about her own safety at school. I had to acknowledge that she was afraid and give her the opportunity voice her feelings rather than just casually saying,"Don't worry. It won't happen here." Then, I had to reassure her that her school was doing everything it could to make sure students were safe and that the school staff would always do their best to protect her. 
  5. Show them how to help. Sometimes, kids struggle in these situations because they feel helpless. Empower them to take action. Help them host a lemonade stand to collect donations or go shopping with them to purchase needed relief supplies. It could even be as simple as writing a letter to someone or including the event in family prayers.
  6. Finally, know when to seek professional help for your children. If you notice any of the following symptoms, it may be time to have your child talk to someone who is trained in helping them deal with anxiety and stress: unusual clinginess (i.e. never wanting to leave your side), problems with sleeping such as nightmares or bedwetting, acting out, aggression, withdrawal from normal activities, seeming to be obsessed with the event by constantly watching news clips or reading about it. 
No parent wants to have to discuss events like this with their children. We all wish we lived in a world where it would never be necessary. We know, however, that is not the case, so hopefully we can utilize these strategies to prepare ourselves and help our children cope when the things we don't want to think about become reality. 



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This post was part of the One Word Blog Linkup hosted by, Janine of Confessions of a Mommyholic, Marica of Blogitudes, and me! This week, the word prompt choices were Offensive and RealityIf you would like to join the linkup you can find more information HERE, sign up for weekly emails HERE, and/or join our Facebook group HERE. Every Friday, two prompts are emailed. Choose one and write a post using that word as inspiration. Linkup up any time between 6:00am EST on Wednesday-9:00pm EST on Thursdays on any of the host sites.


Tuesday, April 28, 2015

If My Life Was Like TV. . . {Tuesday Ten}

When I was in college, I had to take one arts elective class. My choices were either dance or drama. My best friend also had to fulfill this elective. Neither of us was interested in dance and we figured that, if we took the drama class together, it wouldn't be too bad even though we didn't have much interest in or experience with theater. Initially, we were right. The teacher was a young, energetic grad student and the members of the class were an eclectic bunch of people who were all there fulfilling the same elective requirement we were. I dare say the class was even a bit fun.

That all changed with our final assignment. You see, that fun-loving teacher decided she would partner various class members and assign them a scene which would be performed in front of the class as our final exam. Most of the scenes, as I remember them, were fairly mundane and docile. Except for one. It was the one and only script that involved a kissing scene. And, of course, she thought it would be extra interesting to assign this script to the two quietest and seemingly most opposite people in the class - conservative, straight-laced me and a guy named Kevin who dressed in all black, had long hair that was dyed jet black, and regularly wore black nail polish and chains as part of his wardrobe. Of course, our classmates thought the pairing was hilarious and our performance was highly anticipated. We were both very uncomfortable to say the least. However, we met to rehearse - carefully avoiding that part of the scene at all costs. The only time we actually kissed was when we performed the scene for our grade. It was awkward and weird, but we got an "A" for effort and passed the class.

If there had ever been any doubt beforehand, that experience solidified the fact that I am not meant to be an actress. Even aside from the kissing scene, I tended to get the giggles when we were doing improv or other drama exercises. I was not at all comfortable "performing" in front of others, either. It is very safe to say, there will never be a TV show in which I play a main character. 

But, what if there was? What if my life was a TV show or there was a TV show about my life? What would it be?  

According to this Buzzfeed quiz, my life would definitely be a sitcom and this PlayBuzz Quiz, the TV show that would be my life is The Walking Dead (Which, if you read the lists below, you will see is incredibly ironic especially when coupled with the fact that I took the quiz twice and got the same answer both times!) It's not likely, but here are some of my ideas:

If I had the chance to live my life as a TV show, I would choose:
  1. Friends - I met my husband when I was 19 and got married at 21, so I never really lived the "single life." I don't regret my choices at all, but if I got to choose a TV show, I might like to live as a young, single person making my way through life with a great groups of friends in the big City.
  2. Bewitched Really, what mom wouldn't wish for the power to twitch her nose or snap her fingers and whip up a little magic!?!?!
  3. American Idol/The Voice - I have always wished I could sing. 
  4. Parenthood - Confession:I have never actually watched this show, but based on the premise and wha I know of it, it would be the show most like my current life - the story of a family and all the branches on its tree. 
TV Shows I'm glad are NOT like my life:
  1. The Walking Dead/True Blood - I've got kids. I don't need zombies or vampires.
  2. Lost/Survivor - Living on a deserted island with no food, no toilet, no electricity and a bunch of people I don't know is not my idea of a good time.
  3. Hell's Kitchen - I've got enough people complaining about dinner already. I don't need the pressure of not-so-nice professional chef breathing down my neck and critiquing my every move. 
  4. Criminal Minds - Stalkers, serial killers, kidnappers, rapists - seriously, this show gives me nightmares and I son't even want to imagine these things happening in my real life.
If TV Shows were all about moms:
  1. Friends - A show that follows a playdate group of moms and toddlers through several seasons.
  2. The Walking Dead - A show about moms who all have colicky newborns and toddlers who get up at 4:00am every morning
  3. Elementary - A reality show that chronicles the lives of either a) some homeschooling moms; b) the moms on the PTA board of a few different public elementary schools; or c) the moms who are also hard working teachers at a public elementary school.
  4. Survivor -  Slap a Go Pro camera on a few moms and you've got an instant, low budget reality show because somedays are just surviving until bedtime!

Your Tuesday Ten hostesses are:

TheLiebers


The Teacher Wife
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We hope you have enjoyed our #TuesdayTen lists! If so, please link up one of your own and share your post using #TuesdayTen!
RULES:
1) Link up a post, old or new, pertaining to the TuesdayTen topic for this week and add our TuesdayTen button to your post or sidebar.
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4) Visit as many other linked posts as you can and show those bloggers some love by commenting and/or sharing.

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Come link up again next Tuesday, May 5, when we will celebrate National Photo Month by sharing the last 10 photos on our phones (or cameras) and the story behind them!

The Golden Spoons



Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Forgotten, Ridiculous, Elusive - Balance

On Monday, a dear, sweet friend gave me this Lokai bracelet. 
I had never heard of these before, but this is what the website says about them:

"Each lokai is infused with elements from the highest and lowest points on Earth. The bracelet’s white bead carries water from Mt. Everest, and its black bead contains mud from the Dead Sea. These extreme elements are a reminder to the wearer to live a balanced life – staying humble during life’s peaks and hopeful during its lows."
(There's more to the story and you can read about it on the Lokai website.)

Balance. I'm not sure if I ever knew what it felt like to be truly balanced, but, if I ever did, I have certainly forgotten the sensation. Nowadays, it seems that balance is an almost ridiculous aspiration.

We all have countless demands pulling us in so many different directions. We have our kids, our spouses, our jobs, our volunteer obligations. We have homes that need to be cleaned, finances to be figured out, and errands that must be run. We read over and over that "you have to care for yourself before you can care for others," so we guilt ourselves into taking a break. Then, we feel guilty because, while we are taking a break, we aren't spending quality time with our kids or our spouses or doing all of the things that need to crossed off the endless to do list. It is an endless and vicious cycle.

I have always thought of balance as being this sense of stillness and peace; that if I could find that elusive harmony, I would breathe an enormous sigh of relief. Then, as I was pondering this post, I came across this quote:

It occurred to me that, perhaps, balance actually isn't at all about stillness and peace. Maybe it's about continuing to move forward without "falling off." For example, picture a tight rope walker high above the circus floor. As he makes his way across the rope, it is actually the lack of motion that can be detrimental to his balance. In order to keep from falling, he is continually moving, making minor adjustments. He holds his pole and leans ever so slightly left, then right, then back to the left again in order to keep himself from plummeting to the net below.

The same is true of a surfer who waits for the perfect wave, hops atop his board, bends his knees, and spreads his arms to the side. He leans just a bit forward or backward, side to side, hoping he can stay upright all the way to the shore. 

What about a spinning top? As long as the speed of the spin is uninterrupted, the top continues to whirl though it may wobble just a bit. But, if something compromises the speed; if the tops slows down, that's when it crashes. 

Maybe balance isn't all about stillness and peace after all.

In our lives, we have so many responsibilities that pull us in different directions, just like gravity tugs on the tight rope walker, the surfer, and the toy top. We are constantly adjusting our motion to keep ourselves from falling - from failing. We focus on our children until work calls and we began to move in that direction. Then, our spouse needs some time and we move in yet another path. The house is a mess so we let it pull us down that street for a while. We are exhausted, so someone pushes us along yet another avenue toward taking some time for ourselves. Part of the roadmap might include a trail that leads to somewhere calm and quiet, but it is probably not a one way lane. Eventually, we will turn around yet again and head somewhere else. 

It's constant. Reevaluate. Adapt. Change direction. Keep moving. Don't fall.

Maybe Einstein was right. Maybe balance is not found in stillness but in motion -  the moving, the adjusting, the embracing of all the things that keep us going emotionally, creatively, spiritually, intellectually. Perhaps it isn't really calm at all. We are all walking the tightrope of life and maybe the balance we are so desperately seeking has been right in front of us all along.

What do you think? What does "balance" mean to you? 


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This post was part of the One Word Blog Linkup hosted by, Janine of Confessions of a Mommyholic, Marica of Blogitudes, and me! This week, the word prompt choices were Forgotten and RidiculousIf you would like to join the linkup you can find more information HERE, sign up for weekly emails HERE, and/or join our Facebook group HERE. Every Friday, two prompts are emailed. Choose one and write a post using that word as inspiration. Linkup up any time between 6:00am EST on Wednesday-9:00pm EST on Thursdays on any of the host sites.


Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Thank You, My Love {#TuesdayTen}

Apparently, April is Couple Appreciation Month and April 16 was Husband Appreciation Day, so it seems like the perfect time to take a moment and reflect on all the things I appreciate about my hubby, David. 

When I first met David, I had no intentions of dating him. My friends gave him my number without me knowing. Luckily for me, he called and I reluctantly said yes to a lunch date. As they say, the rest is history. 

I was young, only 21, when we got married - at least that's young by today's standards. Four moves, two dogs, three kids, and almost 17 years later, here we are. Nowadays, we are so busy that, like many couples, it can be hard for us to find time to just be together as a couple. However, there is always time to let each other know how much we love them and how much we appreciate who they are. In fact, I appreciate him so much, I thought of 12 things for this list!

  1. He's smart. I don't know when he finds time, but he reads a lot of current events articles. He is my go-to for what's happening in the world. He knows all about finances, stocks, politics, and world "issues."  
  2. He's worldly. Now, he travels a lot for work, but mostly within the USA. However, before we met, he traveled a lot with friends and has seen much of the world. Slowly but surely, he is taking me to many places as well.
  3. He's handy. I didn't grow up with a Mr. Fixit in the house because my dad was not very handy.  My parents called a repairman for even small fixes. I never thought much about it then. David, however, is what you would call "mechanically inclined." He just knows how stuff works. He can fix a leaky faucet, install a new ceiling fan, assemble a complicated toy without glancing at the instructions, and rescue my computer from an imminent crash. 
  4. He made me a mom. Of course, I did the "heavy lifting" so to speak, but I didn't make babies by myself and he has always been with me through every step of this parenting journey. 
  5. He's a great dad. Admittedly, he has high expectations and can be kind of hard on our girls sometimes. But, he can also make them smile and laugh like nobody else. Often, they will open up and tell him things that they haven't told me. They know they can turn to him for help, for snuggles, and for safety. 
  6. He's an extrovert, which is probably good since he is a salesman! He can talk to anybody anywhere. I cannot tell you how many times he has struck up a conversation with some random person in a checkout line or at a restaurant. As they say, he's never met a stranger.
  7. He is a hard worker. Early on in our marriage, I used to call him a workaholic and get angry about the amount of time he would spend working. After several years and many discussions, though, I have come to realize that, at the heart of his "workaholism" is a strong desire to provide the best for his family. I truly believe he would work 24/7 if he had to in order to gives all of "his girls" the very best he possibly can. He is not afraid of a challenge and he is really, really god at his job.  
  8. He is exceptionally dedicated to his family.  That includes the girls and me as well as his parents, siblings, and in-laws. Every family has at least a little bit of crazy and our families are no different, but David would drop everything for any of them without a second thought. 
  9. He's confident in who he is He's not one to back down from a "fight." He does it tactfully and respectfully, but if he has an opinion (and he has LOTS of opinions), he is not scared to talk about it.  He doesn't worry too much about what others think of him. He sticks to his beliefs even if he is in the minority. He doesn't succumb to trends or fads. He is who he is - no pretending, no facades. 
  10. He thinks I'm beautiful, even when I don't (which is a lot lately). 
  11. He's a really good back scratcher. And, I mean that literally. When I am stressed or tense, he gives a great back rub. 
  12. Last but not least, I have to appreciate the fact that he puts up with me. I know I can be moody and slow to change. I can be a little too serious and scheduled. He has taught me to loosen up a little and to laugh at life sometimes. 
David and I are a lot alike when it comes to our beliefs and values, but our personalities are pretty different. We have always found a way to meet in the middle, though, and we have a very strong marriage. Of course, I tell him I love him, but I'm sure I don't tell him enough how much I truly appreciate him. He's a great husband, a great dad, and a great guy. I'm extremely lucky and grateful that I get to call him mine.  
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Your Tuesday Ten hostesses are:

TheLiebers


The Teacher Wife
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We hope you have enjoyed our #TuesdayTen lists! If so, please link up one of your own and share your post using #TuesdayTen!
RULES:
1) Link up a post, old or new, pertaining to the TuesdayTen topic for this week and add our TuesdayTen button to your post or sidebar.
2) Please do not link up contests, product reviews, or sponsored posts. Links not pertaining to the topic will be removed at the hosts' discretion.
3) Visit your hosts and follow them on social media.
4) Visit as many other linked posts as you can and show those bloggers some love by commenting and/or sharing.

*If you would like to be added to the mailing list without linking up, click here.



Did you ever wish your life was more like a movie? Next week is your chance! For Tuesday Ten, we'll be listing 10 movies or TV shows you wish were your life. 
The Golden Spoons


Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Resolution Report Card

It seems like just yesterday we were ringing in the new year and spouting our resolutions for 2015, doesn't it? Well, maybe that's bit of an exaggeration, but the year is flying by all the same. We spiraled through the whirlwind of school delays and snow days and, when we landed, all of a sudden it was Easter and spring was here!

That's how it has felt for me at least.

Back in January, I made a list or resolutions for this year. Too often, these resolutions are very general and they are quickly tossed aside. This time, I tried to make mine more specific and I vowed to check in regularly. In my mind, I planned to review them quarterly and see how I was doing. The first quarter of the year is up and it's time for me to take a look at how it's going. I thought it would be fun to do this review just like the report cards my kids get from school, so I've given myself a grade for each resolution and made a few comments about my progress.
  1. Read 6 novels in 2015 (one every 2 months) - A - I am happy to report that I'm doing well on this one. I've read 4 books - Landline, Gone Girl, The Light Between Oceans, and Wonder. The first three were on my list and the last was part of a Women's Bible Study group. The good thing is that I've made great progress on this goal. The bad news is that I read the first three in January-early March and I haven't picked up a book in the last 6 weeks (other than the "assigned" one). I have The Book Thief, Me Before You, and The Lovely Bones sitting on a shelf. Which one should I dive into next?
  2. Get content with my body - C - This one is so hard for me! I'm working on it, though. Some days are better than others. I have a doctor's appointment this week that will, hopefully, give me some answers and help me figure out next steps.
  3. Go to the Gym at least twice a week - B- I have done this most weeks. The weeks I haven't were due to snow days, sickness, or vacation. There are some times when I could have made a bit more effort to get there, but I didn't. 
  4. Implement and stick to a chore system - B- I haven't really implemented a specific system, but I am getting the kids to help more around the house. A lot of the credit for this goes to my husband who is much better about enforcing the chores and the consequences for not doing them. (I tend to just avoid the fight and try to do it all myself.) Mostly, it's been a loose system of me giving the kids a list on Saturday mornings and them doing the tasks before we go anywhere. 
  5. Ha! My 5th one was just to keep the first 4! :-) I forgot I had put that on the list! Taking averages, I'll give myself a B.
**Blog Goals**
  1. Post consistently 2-3 times a week - A- With Tuesday Ten and One Word, I have basically "obligated" myself to post twice a week. A few times, I've even made it three times. Truthfully, though, I am currently re-evaluting this as it has turned out to be a stressful commitment sometimes.
  2. Take 4 blogging breaks - A - Last week, my kids were on Spring Break. David and I left the girls with my parents and went to London! You know what? I didn't even take my computer! I didn't write any posts, didn't read any posts, and was rarely on social media. It was such a relief and so incredibly nice. (And, one of the reasons I am reevaluating #6). I plan to take other breaks in June, October, and December.
  3. Post a Sunday Supper post on the second Sunday of each month - F - I did a round up type of post rather than a recipe in January. I did a recipe in February. March and April - nothing. I just haven't tried any new recipes that my family liked and that I thought were share-worthy.
  4. Have at least 6 posts featured on other sites - A - I have had one HUGE success with this one by finally having a piece (and more subsequent pieces) featured on The Huffington Post! I also had one piece on What the Flicka?. I've submitted a few others that were rejected, but I'll keep submitting.
  5. Be featured in 2 more anthologies - A - I've had one piece accepted to a recipe anthology that will be coming out sometime this year, so I'm halfway there! 
My word of the year was CONFIDENCE. With regard to that one, I'll give myself a C. I was doing pretty well at first, but I've slipped a bit lately - mainly with #2 on my resolutions. I'm doing pretty well, though, with making confident decisions. Always room for improvement, however! 

Did you make any resolutions for 2015? If so, how are you doing on your goals?

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This post was part of the One Word Blog Linkup hosted by, Janine of Confessions of a Mommyholic, Marica of Blogitudes, and me! This week, the word prompt choices were Fight and YesterdayIf you would like to join the linkup you can find more information HERE, sign up for weekly emails HERE, and/or join our Facebook group HERE. Every Friday, two prompts are emailed. Choose one and write a post using that word as inspiration. Linkup up any time between 6:00am EST on Wednesday-9:00pm EST on Thursdays on any of the host sites.


Tuesday, April 14, 2015

10 Totally Random Facts About Me! {#TuesdayTen}

Here in the blogosphere, we think we know each other pretty well. We share our lives here on the internet. We talk about our kids, our spouses, our homes, our jobs, our feelings, our good days, and our bad days. There are some people I have never met in person that I consider to be very good friends because I know them through their blogs and they know me, too. There are always limitations to what we can share, though, when we are putting it "all out there" and there are, of course, things we would just never think to share because they seem pretty insignificant or they are just such a part of us we don't realize that other people might not know. 

Today, for Tuesday Ten, we thought it would be fun to get to know each other a little better by sharing some completely random facts bout ourselves - things that other people probably don't know and would never think to ask! 
  1. I don't like tomatoes or mushrooms. I will order food without them or pick them off if necessary. 
  2. I wear a size 8 shoe. I used to wear a 7 1/2, but the first time I was pregnant, my feet got so swollen that I had to go up to a 8 1/2 Wide. They never went completely back to the original size. My oldest daughter now wears a 7 1/2 which kind of freaks me out a little.
  3. I didn't fly on an airplane until I was 21. It was for our honeymoon. We flew from NC to Florida to catch a cruise. Since then, I have flown several times including to San Francisco, Paris, and London! 
  4. My favorite color is purple (in case you couldn't tell by the blog design) followed by pink (but dark pink) and green.
  5. My 20th high school reunion is scheduled for October 2015, but I'm not sure if I want to go. High school was not fun for me. 
  6. When I was in high school, I played 3 sports - basketball, softball, and tennis. I wasn't particularly good at basketball or tennis because I don't have very quick feet. I was pretty good as a slow pitch softball pitcher because I could actually throw a slow pitch curve ball. I always wore #12 on my jerseys.
  7. I am claustrophobic (fear of small, tight spaces) and acrophobic (fear of heights). Both of these seem to be getting worse as I get older. 
  8. I rarely eat seafood. When I was very newly pregnant for the third time, I was attending a holiday business dinner with my husband. We were served an appetizer sampler plate that included a large, cold crab claw. I bit into the crab meat (which I previously liked) and immediately wanted to vomit. That was over 8 years ago and I have never fully re-acquired my taste for seafood. I especially cannot tolerate anything cold (like shrimp cocktail) or anything raw (like sushi).
  9. I always sleep on the left side of the bed (if you are facing the headboard), but I always fall asleep laying on the right side of my body. If I wake up in the middle of the night, 9 times out of 10 I am on my back.
  10. According to this personality test, I am an ISTJ. Based on the summary description, I would say that's very accurate. Here's what it says about ISTJ's:
"The ISTJ personality type is thought to be the most abundant, making up around 13% of the population. Their defining characteristics of integrity, practical logic and tireless dedication to duty make ISTJs a vital core to many families, as well as organizations that uphold traditions, rules and standards, .. People with the ISTJ personality type enjoy taking responsibility for their actions, and take pride in the work they do - when working towards a goal, ISTJs hold back none of their time and energy completing each relevant task with accuracy and patience.
ISTJs don't make many assumptions, preferring instead to analyze their surroundings, check their facts and arrive at practical courses of action. ISTJ personalities are no-nonsense, and when they've made a decision, they will relay the facts necessary to achieve their goal, expecting others to grasp the situation immediately and take action. ISTJs have little tolerance for indecisiveness, but lose patience even more quickly if their chosen course is challenged with impractical theories, especially if they ignore key details - if challenges becomes time-consuming debates, ISTJs can become noticeably angry as deadlines tick nearer."
Yep - That's me in a nutshell! 
Tell me your personality type or another random fact in the comments! 


Your Tuesday Ten hostesses are:

TheLiebers


The Teacher Wife
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We hope you have enjoyed our #TuesdayTen lists! If so, please link up one of your own and share your post using #TuesdayTen!
RULES:
1) Link up a post, old or new, pertaining to the TuesdayTen topic for this week and add our TuesdayTen button to your post or sidebar.
2) Please do not link up contests, product reviews, or sponsored posts. Links not pertaining to the topic will be removed at the hosts' discretion.
3) Visit your hosts and follow them on social media.
4) Visit as many other linked posts as you can and show those bloggers some love by commenting and/or sharing.


Come link up again next Tuesday, April 21.  April is Couple Appreciation Month, so we'll be sharing 10 things we appreciate about the Significant Others in our lives! 
The Golden Spoons


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