Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Mama Bear Mode

I am, by nature, a non-confrontational person. Just the thought of having to confront someone else makes me nervous. Most of the time, I would prefer to just let something slide rather than have a frank discussion or call someone out on anything. I'm not really sure what I'm afraid of in those situations. I tend to take things personally, so perhaps I fear getting my feelings hurt. Maybe it's just that facing off with someone else just tends to be awkward and unsettling in general.

As I've gotten older, I have gotten a bit better about handling potentially contentious situations. At least, I'm trying to work on it. Still, I would usually rather just curl up in a corner and hide than risk angering another person and creating a potentially quarrelsome situation. 

There is one thing, however, that will cause me to throw caution to the wind and give someone a piece of my mind without hesitation. It's what I call "Mama Bear Mode."

You see, a mama bear will fight to the death in an effort to protect her cubs from danger. She doesn't overanalyze it. She doesn't think of herself and her own well-being. She doesn't hesitate. When necessary, she just fights. 

I might let people walk all over me, but when someone (or something) hurts my kids, I go into Mama Bear mode. Like Dr. Banner changing into the Hulk, I become an entirely different person. It's automatic, instinctive, and insuppressible.
via GIPHY

Like Dr. Banner changing into the Hulk,I become a different person-That's Mama Bear Mode! #1Word via @TheGoldenSpoons

A few years ago, my oldest came home from school in tears because an boy in her class had teased her about being a vegetarian. When she was "captive" due to seating assignments, he had gone into detail about deer hunting and vowed that he would get her to eat meat by the end of the school year. She was horrified and, as a 5th grader, she didn't quite know what to do. I did, though. I tracked down a phone number and, though I was nervous, called his mom. Fortunately, she was on my side and none too pleased with her son. The next day my daughter got an apology and it was not an issue again. 


Last year, my youngest (and several other kids in her class) was bullied by a particular student. When she came home with stories, we tried to guid her and give her some pointers. I casually mentioned it to the teacher once, but, for the most part, we tried to just brush it off and move on. Until January when my daughter told us that the bully had threatened her - actually threatened to kill her!!! Lucky for school personnel, she didn't tell us about it until after hours on a Friday when I knew everyone would have already left the school. My husband, however, feared I might break my computer with the force I used to type out a very poignant email. I made my expectations very clear and "spoke" in a tone I would NEVER typically use.

Then, near the end of the year, when my daughter finally stood up to the aforementioned bully and was actually punished herself for doing so - well, I have never been more in Mama Bear mode than I was that afternoon. As I called her teacher, I was physically shaking - not because I was nervous or scared, but because I was just THAT angry.

The good news is that instances like these are rare and I don't often have to become Mama Bear. When it does happen, though, watch out, because there is nothing that will keep a Mama form protecting her cubs! 


Have you ever gone into Mama Bear Mode or had an experience that forced you to step out of your comfort zone and confront someone?


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This post was part of the One Word Blog Linkup hosted by, Janine of Confessions of a Mommyaholic and me! This week, the word prompt choices were Angry and Memory. If you would like to join the linkup you can find more information HERE, sign up for weekly emails HERE, and/or join our Facebook group HERE. Every Friday, two prompts are emailed. Choose one and write a post using that word as inspiration. Linkup up any time between 6:00am EST on Wednesday-9:00pm EST on Thursdays on any of the host sites.











Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Arguing About Arguing - And Other Ridiculousness!

When I had three daughters, people told me they would be the best of friends. Sometimes, they are. Other times? Not so much. Here's what I said about it in a post I wrote couple of months ago:
Well, those three sisters are now 12, 10, and 7 years old and they could not be more different. The oldest is super smart, sporty, stoic, and driven. The middle one is a ball of energy, chatter, and silliness. The youngest is a little princess who wears her heart on her sleeve. 
Oftentimes, the differences make these sisters mix about as well as oil and water. They fight. They bicker. They intentionally annoy one another and point out every flaw they see in the other. The bond people told me would be so deep and strong is buried under yelling, arguing, and tears.

It seems their arguing, ebbs and flows like the tide. They go through phases when they (mostly) get along. Then, somehow the cosmos realign and an arguing phase ensues in which they cannot even be in the same room without jumping down each other's throats. 

Right now, we are in one of those arguing phases. Maybe it's because it's the end of summer and my girls have had all the "togetherness" they can stand. Maybe they are bored and fighting is just a way to fill the time. Maybe it's just what siblings do and trying to assign any rhyme or reason is pointless. 
Not only do they argue with each other, but they argue with me as well. Often it seems, we have the same disagreements over and over and over again. 

In just the last few days, here are some of the utterly ridiculous & annoyingly repetitive things they have argued about with each other and with me:
  1. Who left footprints on the windshield of my minivan. Yes, you read that correctly. FOOTPRINTS on the WINDSHIELD!
  2. Messes. "Who left this empty cup here?" I ask and the finger pointing begins. And, heaven forbid I ask them to clean something! That incites an argument, for sure! 
  3. Food - Where to go out to eat, who ate the last of the ice cream, who is the pickiest eater - all are debate-worthy. Just the other day, my oldest - the vegetarian - was insulting my youngest about how picky she is! 
  4. Who sits where in the car. Three is an odd number which means nothing can ever really be fair and someone always has to sit in the back of the van. They fight over this every time we go somewhere. Every. Single. Time.
  5. Clothes. I learned a long time ago to pick my battles when it comes to clothes, but once in a while I have to insist they wear something that makes a little more sense than whatever outfit they have chosen on their own. Inevitably, this causes an uprising.
  6. Hair. My oldest doesn't want her curly hair to be frizzy yet she refuses to put any product on it because that makes it "crunchy." My two youngest have a very apparent disdain for combing their hair.
  7. Bedtime. Of course, they always think they should go to bed later than we make them and the oldest thinks she should be allowed to go to bed later than her younger sisters.
  8. Temperature. They're hot. They're cold. Nobody can ever agree.
  9. Family activities. Family game night? Nobody can agree on a game. Family movie night? Nobody can agree on a movie. Squabbles sure to flare up.
  10. Arguing. Yep. They argue about why and how they argue. They argue about who started it and whose fault it is. Arguing about arguing - the ultimate ridiculousness! 
Based on past experience, I know this phase will pass and, if I can survive it, the tide will, eventually, turn once again. Life will return to a more peaceful state. In the meantime, I will try to smile and remember to laugh at the silliness of these arguments, because, sometimes, laughing is all I can do to keep from pulling out every last hair on my head!

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Your Tuesday Ten hostesses are:

TheLiebers


The Teacher Wife
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Wednesday, August 19, 2015

To My Girls: I Hope You Dance

This post may seem like I'm taking the easy way out. I'm not. At least not intentionally.

I've been pondering today's word prompts - Innocent and Dance - for over a week. I've thought of lots of different angles. Every time I sit down at my keyboard, though, I keep coming back to the song, "I Hope You Dance" performed by LeeAnn Womack in 2000.

At one point, I thought I would take the words to the song and change them; expand on them; somehow make it different. Then, I re-read the lyrics and thought to myself, "These words are already quite perfect. How could I possibly change them into anything better?"

It also occurred to me that I'm not sure my girls have ever really listened to the words of this song or that I have ever really said them directly to my sweet daughters. After all, when the song was released in 2000, none of them were born yet.

As a writer sometimes you just have to "go with your gut" even (maybe especially) when that is not what's expected. Since, we are just days a way from a new school year with my younger two entering a new school and my oldest in her final year of middle school, I'm feeling a little sappy; a little misty. So, today, I'm using someone else's words to express my own feelings and hope for my girls' future. As the old saying goes, if it's not broken, why fix it?

So, girls, I hope today you will hear this song - really hear it - read the words, and know that, from the bottom of my heart, I truly do hope you dance in every sense of the word and, if you're ever in need of a partner, I'll be right here! XOXOXO 



I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,

May you never take one single breath for granted,

GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',

Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,

When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,

Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)


I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance..

(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along

Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone) 

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This post was part of the One Word Blog Linkup hosted by, Janine of Confessions of a Mommyaholic and me! This week, the word prompt choices were Blessing and AbsurdIf you would like to join the linkup you can find more information HERE, sign up for weekly emails HERE, and/or join our Facebook group HERE. Every Friday, two prompts are emailed. Choose one and write a post using that word as inspiration. Linkup up any time between 6:00am EST on Wednesday-9:00pm EST on Thursdays on any of the host sites.








Tuesday, August 18, 2015

10 Lessons I've Learned From Blogging

In my 38 years, I've learned  a lot of lessons in life. I've learned things from my mom, from my dad, from playing sports, and even from my kids! In fact, I fancy myself so wise that I've even spouted off some lessons for others. I once shared some advice for young moms based on a few things I have learned along he way and my all time favorite post is a list of lessons I hope I am teaching my daughters

Sometimes, we experience things, like parenting, that we know will change the way we look at the world, but we can't fully grasp it until we experience it. Other times, we learn valuable lessons from things we never expected to really teach us much of anything. When I started this blog over 5 years ago, it was completely on a whim. Since then, it has gone from a super sporadic hobby to an all consuming obsession and back to a somewhat more obsession that I still struggle to balance. In retrospect, I realize that blogging has actually taught me a lot about life and that is something I never, ever expected.

  1. People are Mean - At least, some people are. There are people out there who read a blog post, assume they know everything there is to know about the author, and proceed to fling horrific, hurtful insults at the author. I've seen it far too many times. I know a blogger who even received death threats over something she wrote. Fortunately, I've only been the victim of such abuse a couple times, but it always stings and always amazes me how malicious people can be.
  2. People are also fiercely loyal and supportive - Although the blogging world is humongous, within it are some very highly knot groups of friends. When those trolls rear their ugly heads, we can usually count on our tribe to have our backs. They will jump right in to comfort you, support you, and put the nasty commenters in their places. 
  3. Words are powerful - I knew this on some level before I started blogging- it's why I have always loved writing. However, blogging has shown me the power of words on a whole new level. Those horrible comments? They happen because people are passionate and the words of the author has evoked powerful emotions. Words can show us that we are not alone in our experiences. They can bring us comfort, commiseration, and joy.
     Tweet: Blogging has shown me the power of words on a whole new level. #TuesdayTen - @TheGoldenSpoons http://bit.ly/1JeOmZzBlogging has shown me the power of words on a whole new level. #TuesdayTen - @TheGoldenSpoons http://bit.ly/1JeOmZz

  4. The internet is a powerful tool - The words that are so powerful are fueled and spread by the internet. Through social media we can connect with people from around the world and form meaningful friendships with people we have never met in person.
  5. Writing takes practice - Some people have a knack for math; some have a knack for crafting; some, like me, have a knack for writing. Like any skill, though, writing gets better with practice. I can look back at some of the first blog posts I wrote and see that my writing has come a long way since then. 
  6. How to accept rejection - My writing has certainly improved over time, but even my best is sometimes rejected by other sites. Rejection is never an easy pill to swallow and it still stings. But, I have been rejected a lot and I have learned that other bloggers have, too. I venture to say that all of us (except maybe the really "big guns") are rejected far more than we are accepted. I've learned not to take it too personally and to keep on trying.
  7. Numbers don't tell the whole story - Bloggers sometimes place a lot of emphasis on numbers. How many page views does my blog get? How many times was it share don Facebook or Twitter? How do my numbers compare to others' numbers? I've learned, though, that numbers aren't everything. They don't indicate how loyal your following is, even if it's small. They don't tell you how much your words have impacted other people.
  8. Time away is essential. I don't earn an income form blogging like some people do, so, for me, blogging truly is a hobby more than a job. Still, I have found that it can stress me out and burn me out. Every now and then, I need to take a break; to walk away form all of it in order to refresh and rejuvenate.
  9. People want to know they are not alone. I think one reason blogging has taken off is that people want to connect with others who are experiencing the same struggles and emotions they are. They want a sense of camaraderie and understanding from people what are in the same stage of life or from people who have been there, done that an lived to tell bout it.

  10. I am not alone. I didn't set out to form friendships and connections through blogging - it was simply a fortunate side effect. I am so thankful to have a "tribe;" a group of people who share my life through the internet and, in turn, share theirs with me; a village of sorts that supports me and cares for me. They are the best part of blogging even though they were the most unexpected element. When I want to throw in the towel, they are what keeps me coming right back here to this little space on the world wide web.



Have you ever had a experience that taught you some unexpected lessons?


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Your Tuesday Ten hostesses are:

TheLiebers


The Teacher Wife
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Next Tuesday, August 25, is Kiss and Make Up day, so we'll be sharing 10 things you argue about (with your spouse, kids, mother in law - anyone you choose!)
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Wednesday, August 12, 2015

10 Tips to Help Kids Adjust To A New School

In the spring, my husband and I made the decision to move our two youngest daughters, ages 10 and 8, to a new school this fall. It was not an easy decision and one that only came after lots of discussion. With the start of school less than two weeks away, the reality of the choice is setting in for everyone. 

My youngest will be going into third grade and she is quite excited. My middle daughter, however, will be going into fifth grade and she is having very mixed emotions about it. I am still confident that we are doing the right thing, but change is never easy. 

Here are a few tips I have found that are helping to ease the transition and will, hopefully, continue to clam their nerves (and mine!) as we get closer to the first days of school.

  1. Visit and/or tour the school - We took our girls to visit the school last spring as we were in the decision making process. They actually spent a day visit in the classrooms! There are also a couple upcoming orientations and, of course, open house. We have made a very specific effort to put all of these on our calendar and make sure our schedule is clear to attend. 
  2. Make sure they have all the necessary supplies and forms filled out - We have already done shopping to make sure we are in compliance with the dress code that is new to us. We also made sure to purchase all the needed supplies. We added a little fun with picking out new backpacks and lunch boxes. Making sure they have everything they need gives them one less thing to worry about on the first day.
  3. Remind them of other times they have experienced change - Have your kids changed schools before? Moved to a new home? Remind them that, even though it may have been hard, they did it successfully and they can be successful with this change, too.
  4. Keep consistency where you can - Despite driving to a new school, our morning routine will be much the same as it has been in the past. We also allowed our girls to continue with the extracurricular activities they have done in the past rather than forcing them to change to different leagues/instructors closer to the new school. Although changing those activities might be more convenient, keeping them the same provides some consistency amidst the change. 
  5. Help them make new friends (and keep old ones) - Admittedly, I am not a big play date mom. However, as my kids begin to make new friends at their new school, I know I may need to go out of my comfort zone to help foster those friendships through outings, playdates, and parties. I'm also allowing them to keep old friendships through phone calls and technology as much as I can.
  6. Talk to their teachers - Whether you have to reach out on your own or just take opportunities as they are presented (such as open house), make sure your kids' new teacher are aware that this is a new school for your family. Make them aware of any learning difficulties your children have and/or any personality "quirks" they might display. Letting teachers know this information up front helps them be more readily able to relate to your child(ren).
  7. Give your kids something to look froward to - Everyone likes to be rewarded! Celebrate a successful first day or first week by taking the kids out for ice cream or for a special experience. Let them know that you appreciate the effort they have put into adapting to their new situation and reward them for their success.
  8. Be honest about your own feelings - The truth is, I am changing schools, too. I will also have to make new friends, find new ways to volunteer, and adjust to new schedules. While this should be easier for me as an adult, it is not without a few nerves and a bit of stress. I am trying to let my kids know that they aren't the only ones who are apprehensive so they know they are not alone.
  9. Listen to their concerns and fears - Encourage you kids to express their feelings and listen when they do. Sometimes, being able to talk to someone can be the best remedy for a stressful situation. Make sure your kids know they can talk to you about what they are feeling and try to help them deal with those feelings accordingly.
  10. Focus on the positives - Since my 10 year old is the most uneasy about this change, we have tried to keep reminding her of things we know are important to her. For example, she is my "tech" kid and the new school issues every student an iPad! This is a big "selling point" that we frequently use to re-energize her excitement and parlay her hesitation. 
Has you family experienced a change such moving or changing schools? What tips do you have to add for helping kids adjust?


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This post was part of the One Word Blog Linkup hosted by, Janine of Confessions of a Mommyaholic and me! This week, the word prompt choices were Blessing and AbsurdIf you would like to join the linkup you can find more information HERE, sign up for weekly emails HERE, and/or join our Facebook group HERE. Every Friday, two prompts are emailed. Choose one and write a post using that word as inspiration. Linkup up any time between 6:00am EST on Wednesday-9:00pm EST on Thursdays on any of the host sites.









   

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