Monday, April 17, 2017

Eight Things a #GirlMom Hates to Hear

I always knew I wanted to be a mom. When I was younger, that was my plan in life - finish college, get married, have three kids. Specifically, I planned to have two boys and, then, a girl - because, you know, it's so easy to plan those things. 

Well, I did finish college, get married, and have three kids, but that's where my little plan derailed. You see, all three of my kids are girls. 

Yep. Three daughters - each one unique and different from the other in so many ways. The oldest is the intense, determined, independent one. The middle one is the high-energy, silly, unpredictable one. The youngest is the girly, tender hearted, fashionista one. They are as different as they can be - except for the fact that they are all distinctly lacking a Y chromosome - and I wouldn't change them for the world! 

During my 14 years as a #GirlMom, I've gotten lots of comments and advice about my role. Some of it has been insightful and helpful. A lot of it has been just downright annoying and rude. So, in case you are wondering or trying to figure out what to say - or what NOT to say -  to your friend who just had another girl, here are a few things you should NEVER say to a #GirlMom.
1. Are you going to try for a boy? Since my youngest is now nine years old, I don't get this question too much anymore, but when I did, it was infuriating. The answer is "NO!" We love our daughters and this question insinuates that having a boy is somehow better. Also? Trying again is not guaranteed to produce a male, so the idea of "trying for a boy" is kind of ridiculous anyway.

2. You better start saving now for the weddings!! Okay. A) We are already painfully aware that the financial burden of the weddings will fall on our shoulders. We do not need this reminder.  B) Not every wedding has to cost a bajillion dollars. C) We are so very, very tired of hearing this comment! Take a pause and come up with something else. 

3. Look out for the teenage years! Well, I've recently entered the teenage years with my oldest and I can tell you a couple things. First, the crazy hormone stuff starts well before the teenage years - as in fourth grade. Second, girls are not the only gender who go through puberty and, from my understanding, guys can have some pretty erratic mood swings, too. Last, it is honestly not nearly as bad as I thought it would be based the number of times I received this warning when they were little. 

4. I feel sorry for your husband/their dad! Why?!?! Why do you feel sorry for him?? Am I not parenting these children, too? Are you implying that he doesn't love his daughters just as much as he would love a son? Do you assume that he would prefer to have sons?? And, above all else, please remember it was HIS "chromosome donation" that made these tiny humans into females in the first place! Don't feel sorry for him, please! (As you can tell, this one really gets under my skin!) 

5. They'll be best friends!  I heard this one a lot after we found out the gender of our third child. I only have one brother, so had not experienced life with a sister. I was promised by many people that these girls would be best friends. Let me tell you, they have their moments as best friends. However, they also have their moments of despising each other and being outright mean to one another. There is plenty of sibling rivalry in our house and the fact that all three are girls, I believe, only makes it worse sometimes.

6. I hope their Daddy has a shotgun! Maybe this is a Southern one, the implication being that their Daddy is going to need a weapon to fend off all the boys. I have many problems with this statement. For starters, I can pretty certainly assure that boys who came calling on me were just as scared of my mom as they were of my dad (and I mean that in a good way, Mom!) Similarly, any boys who come calling on my daughters better have the same respect for me that they have for my husband. Also, if you ever said this you obviously don't know my husband. He does not need a gun because he has a computer and, if you plan to date one of our daughters, he will know everything there is to know about you (including your address, your parents' employment, and anything you may have ever posted on social media) before you ever step foot onto our front porch. Finally, we have no intention of scaring off every boy who wants to date our daughters. What kind of parents would that make us?!?

7. At least they won't stink and eat like boys do! Um, obviously you have not met them. The first question they ask when I pick them up from school is "What's for dinner?" and I DARE you to smell my middle daughter's tennis shoes without a gas mask. Seriously. I dare 

8. Well, at least you'll have someone to take care of you when you're old!  Is this the consolation prize for having daughters? There's nothing good about it until I'm 90?? Please!

Having three daughters wasn't my original plan, but parenting rarely goes according to our plans, right? I'm sure having sons would have been wonderful, too, but I'm very happy with my three girls. No matter whether we have sons, daughters, or some of each, parenting is full of challenges and joys. Instead of thoughtless comments like the ones above, let's use our words to support one another and celebrate!

Do you have boys, girls, or both? What comments drive you crazy? 


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