Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Am I Holding Her Back?

My youngest daughter is six.  She is loving and affectionate.  She loves to hug and cuddle.  She still carries her "blankies" with her around the house and she is by far the "girliest" one of my three daughters.

A couple weeks ago, she came home from school and told me she didn't want me to fix her hair in pigtails anymore.  Instead, she was only going to wear headbands.  When I asked why, she said one of her "friends" had told her that pigtails make her look like a baby and first graders aren't supposed to look like babies.

I think my heart broke into a thousand pieces.

After a while, though, I began to think about it a little more clearly.  You see, she IS my baby.  She is the youngest of my children; the last one to go through all the firsts; the only one that still climbs up in my lap for snuggles from time to time; the only that, up until that day, would dare to let me put her hair in pigtails - ever.

Honestly, there are times when I think "Why can't you be more independent?"  Like when I am trying to get all three girls out of the shower/bath or when I am trying to get all of them out the door to church.  Thinking back, her older sisters were more independent by the age of six than Emily is now. They had to be because when they were six I had at least one younger, needier child to tend to.

On the other hand, however, I am in no hurry to get rid of her blankies.  I adore the way she sucks on her tongue when she sleeps.  I love when she climbs in my lap and plants a big, wet kiss on my cheek.  I am sad that, having reached a size 7, I can no longer buy her the cute dresses she loves so much, but, instead, have to shop in the "big kids" section.  When we walk together, I still reach for her hand and I still find myself saying "Be Careful!" often.  And, I still like putting her hair in pigtails!

Oh, the cuteness!

In light of this recent event, though, I can't help but wonder if I'm holding her back??  Am I encouraging her to stay dependent and immature??  Do I really want her to grow up??

I actually look forward to the future and am anxious to see what life holds for my girls (in due time).  Careers?  Husbands? Children of their own?  I have no desire to have anymore children and can't even imagine doing the pregnant or newborn stage again.

But, maybe, just maybe, I am subconsciously clinging to the last little bit of baby I have left in my sweet Emily.  After all, she may not always be a baby, but she will always be the baby in our family.  Even when she's a grown woman, she will forever be my baby, as will her two older sisters.

Maybe I am holding her back just a bit.  But, you now what??  Maybe that's o.k.  There will be plenty of time for independence, mature fashion choices, and headbands in the future.  For now, I'm going to hang on to my "baby."

Here's to pigtails, and blankies, and sloppy, wet kisses!!  I hope they last just a little bit a whole lot longer!


To quote Taylor Swift (who I would rarely quote) . . . . . . . . .

"Oh Darling, don't you ever grow up!"

20 comments:

Janine Huldie said...

I know the feeling and I am one under you, but Lily is my baby and I know sometimes I have a tendency to baby her a bit, but like you I don't want this time to go too quickly just yet, but I do realize I might need to start slowly letting go with certain things. Definitely hard though and can very much relate here. And by the way, Emily is adorable :)

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Thanks Janine!

Emily (OhBoyMom) said...

I've had the exact same thoughts with my youngest son (youngest of 3 boys...) who I know I babied for as long as I could. I think it also had to do with the fact that he also was my most affectionate of my 3 boys - loved to hug and cuddle -- and at the age of 10, he still does. Personally, I think it's fine, because in other ways I see him as way ahead of his peers - he has way more knowledge about "big kid" topics thanks to his two teenage brothers - ugh!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Same here! She is definitely the most affectionate of my three girls. Yet, she she cruises Youtube on her Kindle like a teenager!

Tamara Bowman said...

Oh, I hear you! My Des! When people ask me how old he is, I always say he's "one." I never say that he's actually 1.5 and even not far from two! My baby!
I get frustrated by so many things Scarlet refuses to do independently, but one day, it just won't be there.

Ponies and Martinis said...

You're definitely not holding her back, you're just holding on. And that makes you a great mom. I'm sure your daughter feels that, no matter how "independent" she is.

Dakota said...

I don't think so, but I haven't gone through this quite yet myself... I'd be more upset at the mean girl at school who said she looked like a baby. That's not cool!

Martha said...

I definitely think of Josie as my baby - everything she does seems adorable. But as far as independence goes, she has the most of all three of my children. From an early age, Josie insisted on doing everything by herself and she's the most willing to slow down, listen to directions and then do things on her own. I say let her have the hairbands, but still think of her as your little girl!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

I try to remind myself of that - the "one day." Although I want the independence, I'm not quite ready to let go of the "baby" just yet!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Thank you so much!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

That was definitely not cool! But, it was food for thought.

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

I think that's a good game plan. And, I will always think of her as my little girl. :-)

Kristi Rieger Campbell said...

Well first, she is beyond adorable and I vote that six years old is still a baby. I've asked myself a similar question when it comes to my son and how independent I should assume he is/can be. It's so easy to not realize how just a few months makes such a difference in their independence and non-baby status. Sigh. Time flies too quickly, Lisa!!
But you're right - they'll always be our babies, even when they're grown and possibly have children of their own.

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Time does fly, Kristi! Much too fast. Perhaps it is because she has older sisters, too. Sometimes I want her to grow up and sometimes I want her to stay a baby forever!

Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom said...

Oh my goodness, I completely identify with this and I've wondered this at times as well. I had to make an intentional shift in language and stop calling my baby... "my baby". She's almost 3!


Your daughter is completely sweet. Enjoy your time enjoying her... all the stages! They grow up so quickly.
xoxo

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

They definitely grow up too quickly!

MamaRabia said...

I feel the same way about Ben. He's my littlest and my last, so watching him grow out of things is the hardest. At least when Frances and Henry grow out of things they can get passe don, but Ben is the end of the line, so to speak.

Dana said...

I suspect your daughter won't let you hold her back, so I say hug her tight for as long as you can! This is coming from the mother whose baby is now as tall as she is, with bigger feet and hands. I hug him at least a dozen times a day if he lets me!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

It is hard. I just cleaned out a bunch of books over the weekend - children's books that i love, but are too easy for her now. I kept some and packed some to give to the school and the preschool. Same for clothes.

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

I will definitely hug her as often and as tightly as she will let me!

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