Thursday, April 3, 2014

It's Not Them . . . .

I never understood what the big deal was about Sunday mornings.  My family goes to church most Sunday mornings, but we don't kid ourselves into trying to get to the early service at 8:30.  Usually, we try to get there for Sunday school which starts at 9:30 and, then, we stay for worship afterwards.  On weekdays, the kids are up by 6:30 and we are out the door by 7:15.  It is, admittedly, a mad dash, but we do it.  So why is getting to church by 9:30 so hard?

Well, I think we are still in "weekend mode" on Sunday mornings, so we wait until the last possible second to get out of bed.  Then, there is much contemplation over what to wear, a great deal of angst surrounding appropriate undergarments and pantyhose/tights, and, lastly, a lot of consideration given to shoes that will coordinate but not be terribly uncomfortable.

Then, I have to go get the children out of bed and dressed.

Eventually, we are rushing out the door and, often, trying to squeeze in a run through some drive through for a very unhealthy breakfast because we didn't take time to eat breakfast at home.  By the time we finally arrive at church, we are stressed out, extremely frazzled, and far from a peaceful, worshipful  state of mind.

At least that's how is used to be . . . . . . .

In February, I took on a temporary, part-time job at my church as the Interim Associate for Children's Ministry.  As part of this position, I have to be at church extra early - usually between 8:00-8:30.  When I was considering whether to take the job, I hesitated because I knew this would mean leaving my husband to single handedly get our three girls up, dressed, fed, and out the door each Sunday morning.  Now, my husband is a great dad and perfectly capable of this task, but, knowing the chaos that typically happened, I felt a little guilty leaving him to deal with it alone.  He was confident he could handle it and very supportive of me, so I took the job and here we are.

And, you know what??  Sunday mornings aren't so bad anymore.

Normally, when I leave on Sunday, my kids are all still sleeping.  However, according to my husband and my daughters, their preparation time on Sunday mornings is now MUCH calmer.  Apparently, they rise to the occasion - literally - getting out of bed without much protest for him.  There is no arguing about clothes because I help them choose their outfits (and mine) on Saturday evenings.  Since there is no arguing about clothes, there are more smiles and laughter which always lightens the mood.  Their hair is not always perfect (because I am not there to nit pick over it being perfectly coiffed), but they do manage to run a comb through it and then, they are out the door and headed to grab some breakfast (a "tradition" my hubby has instituted).

Last weekend, my hubby had to leave on Saturday for a business trip, which meant the table would be turned on Sunday morning and I would be left to my own devices AND I had to be at church extra early because we had a special schedule.  So, my hubby decided we should all have a chat about it.  He praised the girls for their cooperation on recent Sunday mornings and pointed out how much more relaxed everything had been.  Then he asked, "Why has it been so much better? What are we doing differently?"  The girls pondered it, but had no answer.  For me, however, the answer was clear as day.  The difference is  . . . . .I 'm not there on Sunday mornings now!

I'm not there frustrated by my own "issues" and, therefore, I'm not spewing that attitude out onto everyone else.  I'm not arguing with my girls to make their outfits and their hair just perfect.  I'm not there and things are much less chaotic.

I never understood what the big deal was about Sunday mornings, but now I do and I have realized . .  . .

It's not them.  It's me.


That, friends, is a tough pill to swallow.

But, I did swallow it and, this past Sunday.  I had no choice.

I was very intentional about staying calm.  We still picked out clothes on Saturday night.  I made some muffins for breakfast on Sunday, too.  I took some deep breaths and reminded myself several times to let go of the minute details.  It worked and all four of us girls made it out the door on time and with relatively happy dispositions.

Sometimes, when things aren't working as well as we might like, we need to take a step back, stop blaming everyone else, and take a good look in the mirror.  We might just realize that the blame lies with us just as much as it does with anyone else.

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This post is part of Finish The Sentence Friday.  FTSF is hosted by some wonderful blogging ladies.  Please give them a visit and check out all the other blogs that participate as well!
Stephanie at Mommy, for Real
Kristi at Finding Ninee
And, this week's special guest host, Katia at I Am The Milk

16 comments:

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

I think that's part of my problem, Teresa - around here I ma the softie and he is the heavier handed one. Gott to work on that!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

You're welcome! I tend to cave in with my kids too. I have noticed lately that I have to tell them things there times or more before they actually do it. It is frustrating and it is a tough oil to swallow. Hopefully, though, choking it down will help us in the long run.

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Thanks, Rabia! I try to get too much done in a short amount of time and just end up stressed out!

Tarana said...

I think I'm like this too. I worry so much about completing tasks on my to-do list, that I end up being a nervous mess!

Kristi - Finding Ninee said...

Awwww, I so get this. I do so much. I am always so amazed that my husband does so well on the mornings he need to get my son to school on his own, I KNOW he's way less frazzled. I know that highwater pants are allowed to be worn (oops, I let that happen too sadly), that breakfast may not include fruit, and that well, he's not all stressed out the way I am over the last minute stuff. Also? Sounds to me like your family is doing it perfectly, exactly, right. Really!!

Kerith Stull said...

I had a similar experience with Sundays. I tried to stay in the routine by going to early services, checking the "go to church" box, and getting it over with so we could enjoy the rest of our Sunday. Then I joined the Praise Team band to do the sign language. Something changed and I realized, yep, it had been me. I hadn't valued my time in church on Sundays, only the rest of my day. So, yes, I get it. Sundays are a big deal. Not because of the afternoons, but because of the mornings spent with Him! (Visiting from FTSF)

Stephanie Sprenger said...

Wow! That is kind of a jarring conclusion to arrive at, isn't it? I am totally with you- my husband is out the door 5 days a week before we are awake. If it were ME that left the house at 6:00, and him that got them ready every day, I bet mornings would be a lot better. I wish we could switch places! ;)

Kenya G. Johnson said...

Boy did you step on my toes! My Sunday goes a little differently. We do go to the 8:00 service on Sunday's but we are always late. I swear it not me, it's THEM but I get everybody in a bad mood because I am in a bad mood by the time we leave the house. I get up at 5:45 same as I do everyday of the week except Saturday. My husband stays in the bed until 7:15! It's a losing battle. I have tried and keep trying to have that calming spirit before we leave the house like I don't care that we are going to be late. But I can't help it, but I do know it's my fault that we all arrive at church in a bad mood because I started that. Oh and I convinced my husband years ago for us to do the 8:00 service. We were still late for the 10:00 but that's a bigger service and harder to find a place to sit.

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

And then the kids sense the tension . . . . .

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Thanks, Katia! I definitely think kids rise to the occasion and I totally agree that husbands/fathers are just built differently. Hadn't really thought of the parallel with Steph's post, but I see it now that you mention it!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Thanks, Kristi! It is no interesting how husbands just seem to be less frazzled. :-)

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

I hoping we can keep things calmer and remember that! Thanks for visiting!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

It would be very interesting to change places sometimes. I think about that often when my hubby is complaining about having room service for dinner in a hotel room ALO E somewhere while I 'm in the midst of homework, bedtime, laundry, etc. :-)

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

It's a balancing act for sure. I can't even imagine getting all 5 of us to our early service that starts at 8:30. That would be some serious stress!

Sarah @ LeftBrainBuddha said...

I notice my mood definitely affects the morning... And planning and getting ready the night before is huge! Sounds like you're figuring it all out :)

Allison C said...

How brilliant of you to take a step back...although I do swear on my life that my kids just act differently for dad. I don't know if it is lower decibel of his voice that clearly means "I am all business" or if I just have "pushover" tatooed on my head, but I think that it is just different for him. I didn't know you had a part time job, though! It sounds amazing!

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