Monday, May 21, 2012

Discipline is hard

This no surprise to you if you are a parent.  Discipline is constant - from the big things (like lying and beating up siblings) to the little things (like remembering to pick up your dirty socks and not talking with your mouth full) and everything in between.  It is never fun for anyone involved, either.  Because of it's continual nature and it's lack of fun factor, discipline can actually be quite exhausting.

In fact, I have noticed lately that my discipline "techniques" have become rather lazy.  I have put up with too much whining.  I have "given in" a few too many times.  I have used the "ignore strategy" a little too freely.  Why?  Because I'm tired of disciplining my kids.  It takes a lot energy and it is just easier to let things slide.  However, instituting poor discipline is doing a disservice to my kids and to society (and to me!).  So, having realized my shortcoming, I am trying really hard to do better.  And I repeat, discipline is hard.

Just the other night, we sent our 7 year old to bed fifteen minutes earlier than the usual bedtime because of a sassy mouth that had to be punished.  She cried and cried which is never easy for a mom to hear.  It would have been much more fun for both of us to cuddle up in bed and read a book together, but that would not have addressed the problem and she would most certainly have repeated the behavior.

It is also important for parents to find a balance with their discipline.  I tend to be a little lazy and DW tends to be a little harsh.  We have discussed it many times and we try hard to find a middle ground.  For example, the sending to bed early - he didn't yell and I didn't just ignore it.

The fact is, there is no parenting manual that tells us "For this offense, you should give this punishment and for that offense you should give that punishment."  We are all just figuring it out as we go along and trying to do the best we can.  It is exhausting and overwhelming.  Occasionally, we have to take a step back and re-evaluate our strategies.  We aren't always going to get it right, but, hopefully, the overall effect will be positive in the end!

We want to discipline like this . . . 


But it often comes across like this.

 We're really just trying to avoid this . . . 

and maybe this!


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4 comments:

Shoes said...

Great post! I get tired of always feeling like a nag to my children but you are right - if you let it slide too much and look the other way too many times it makes it harder in the long run.

Kenya G. Johnson said...

I had often wished there WAS a manual. At the same time I think its amazing that "so far", I've played the right card. There was only one time that I had to take my own time out first so that I COULD be my best. ;-) Great post. TALU

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Thanks Kenya! Glad you stopped by!

Chris HyeThymeCafe said...

I don't have kids myself, but what I think makes it even tougher is that the same strategy doesn't necessarily work on each kid, so you might have to take a different approach for the same offense but a different kid - must get confusing!! That last picture really hit home with me - when I was a baby, I stuck my mom's car keys in an outlet. OUCH!! That came with it's own punishment! ;) [#TALU]

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