I don’t like needles. I never have. Anyone who has been pregnant, though, knows that needles are a given part of the process. There are shots and blood draws that occur on a regular basis during those nine months. Each time I was faced with one of these “procedures,” I warned the nurses that I often got lightheaded and that, once- only once, I had even passed out. Usually, they were sympathetic, although I’m sure they were probably working very hard to stifle their laughter.
About halfway through my second pregnancy, I was again sitting in one of those special, uncomfortable chairs they use when they draw blood. I gave my usual disclaimer and the nurse began the procedure. This time, however, there happened to be another nurse in the room checking the supplies in the cabinet. After overhearing my cautionary statement, she watched from the corner of her eye as the other nurse administered the needle. Then, that second nurse came over to me said something that I will never forget.
“Honey, you have to breathe.”
She said it very calmly and clearly. “You have to breathe.”
Until then, I had never realized that I was actually holding my breath during these moments of uneasiness, which is, of course, the reason I became so woozy.
Since then, I make a conscious effort to breathe during times when I am nervous or upset. I actually say to myself, “Breathe in. Breathe out.” (Not out loud, of course.) It sounds so basic, doesn’t it? It is surprising how often I have to remind myself to do something that should be so natural. Then again, motherhood is full of apprehensive and unsettling moments.
As I watched my babies take their first steps, I wanted so badly to reach out and catch them every time they fell. I held my breath hoping they would succeed. Breathe in. Breathe out.
As I walked away from their kindergarten classroom doors, I knew they would be okay, but I still cried. Breathe in. Breathe out.
As I let go of the bike, I prayed they didn’t crash. Breathe in. Breathe out.
When I left my oldest in a distant city for an overnight trip and when I dropped her off for her first day of middle school, I had to remember. Breathe in. Breathe out.
When my middle daughter had the courage to step up and play soccer goalie for the first time, I desperately wanted it to go well for her. Breathe in. Breathe out.
When I got the news that my youngest had lost her first tooth while I was out of town, I was heartbroken that I missed it. Breathe in. Breathe out.
As my three daughters get older, I will hold my breath many more times, I know. When they get their first broken hearts, or when they get behind the wheel for the first time, or when they head off to college, or when they walk down the aisle - I will have to remind myself again. Breathe in. Breathe out.
From time to time, I may even have to remind them, too. I'll say, “Everything will work out. Everything will be alright. Just breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out.”
Motherhood is hard. Parenting is hard. It's scary and wonderful and fulfilling and draining all at the same time. It brings out emotions that we never knew we had and it can make those emotions feel overwhelming sometimes. We get frustrated. We get angry. We feel joy. We feel sadness. We worry. We swell with pride. Our hearts overflow with a love that is stronger and deeper than we ever imagined could be possible.
It's intense to say the least. It can definitely take your breath away.
Sometimes, all we can do is hold on tightly, hope for the best, and remember to breathe.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
34 comments:
So true and trust me at this point I do practice having to breathe in and breathe out now here, too! :)
Honey, you have to breathe! So true, and as you've shown, it's something we need to apply to the many, many parenting challenges that we will face. LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!! Well done, Lisa!!! I'll be thinking about this the next time I have one of those moments!! --Lisa
What a smart nurse! I love that story. I do remember all of the many needle incidents. What was worse for me was the gestational diabetes test. It didn't even taste that badly but at our office, you had to have two people watch you drink it and they time you. Talk about pressure!
Anyway, this is a great practice and much needed for parenting.
This is a really beautiful post, Lisa and so very true about each of the terrifying moments - walking away from a classroom door made me especially teary this morning as we're starting to talk about kindergarten next year with my son's school and it just seems surreal. I love that the nurse noticed that you were holding your breath and told you to breathe.
Omg, you totally made me smile on your Vlog. I saw you were going to do amVlog and seriously couldn't imagine what you would share, but this was awesome and definitely think you may be double jointed and very limber indeed. Seriously jealous and with a bad back, I am lucky if I get on the floor nowadays if I get back up, but that is a whole different story lol 😉
Now my feet are cramping from trying to copy you!! (just kidding)
Impressive - funny that your husband won't watch you do that.
Ta daaaaa!
Mine is sort of feet related too. I can turn my ankles backwards. It's like The Exorcist. It's while I'm standing with my legs straight together. I did it once and my 7th grade teacher screamed.
I've never met a single other person who can do this.
Maybe I need to post a vlog...
That is creepy! You definitely need to do a vlog.
It is funny. He's a "pain doesn't hurt" kind of guy - not bothered by needles, blood, etc. He has several broken bones in his life and stitches at least 5 times. But - even after all that, he can't stand to watch my feel!
Thanks Janine! As I'm getting older, I have way more aches and pains that I use to. I have back trouble too which my dermatologist this is psoriatic arthritis. (Long story) Anyway, at least my weird feet still work!
Those are definitely runner's feet. Were you ever a runner? High arches usually come in handy when competing in track. I only know this because my hubby used to work in a sneaker store and analyzes people's feet, he is a weirdo like that. See...now you can pick up another talent...running!
I can't do it. I tried it, but I can't. I tried to think of a hidden talent I could vlog about, but I came up totally empty. You are becoming a vlogging pro, Lisa. We should record one together at Blog U :)
Oh that would be fun!!! :-)
I hate running, actually! I used to play sports (tennis, basketball, softball), but not track. :-)
Awesome! Did you ever do ballet? I didn't, but my daughter, Lucy, tells me that making it look like you are "pointing your toes" really means pointing your FEET if you are a ballet dancer. They are really flexible in their feet. I can't wait until she gets home from school to see if she can do this! --Lisa
And now my toes won't stop cramping! LOL That is definitely NOT a talent of mine! You've got some serious flexibility -- I didn't think it was gross at all, just amazingly bendy!
I took ballet for about 3 months when I was 5 and that's it. I am definitely not flexible any where else. I wonder if Lucy will be able to do it?
Glad it didn't gross you out! My hubby laughed when I told him I was doing this for my blog post!
HAHAH Lisa. When I read your exchange with Dana, I did actually get down and try it that very day and couldn't do it. I was impressed then, but seeing you do it on a vlog? Totally weird and COOL.
I think that is so awesome, Lisa! Be proud of your fantastic feet! I also loved your "Most Likely To..."s on my post! You made me smile! And look at your awesome new vlogging skills! You may have to tell me how you did that cool page-turn thing in iMovie. I am hopeless at it. :p
Oh my gosh, woman! Not only did you do a vlog, but you vlogged about your feet!! But I have to admit, I tried it and can't do it. Thank you for wearing socks though!! LOL!!
Thanks Kristi! It's fun to know that you actually did try it. :-)
Impressed you with my feet and my vlogging skills, huh?? :-) (The page turning thing is under the "transitions" along with many others. And, I actually got the idea from my 11 year old daughter's Power Points!) Glad you like the vlog. I have my song lyrics written, just have to type them up and send them your way.
I have only met one other person who could do it. And, you're welcome for the socks - even I don't want to look and my toes these days!
Yesterday I went for an exercise walk in I don't know how long. My shins hurt. So I'm not going to try thing because I might catch a cramp. ;-) I missed your intro vlog last week. I'll go check it out.
Well, good for you for the exercise! I should have been doing that instead of vlogging! :-)
You really SHOULD have been a dancer!! Impressive.
Thanks Meredith!
I tried it and I'm about an inch off the floor with my toes. I was actually surprised I did so well. :)
that is awesome...I tried it but my knees raised up a bit. You would make a rocking dancer and love that your hubby was grossed out.
Agree with Meredith! Also, how do you discover a talent like that, that's awesome!
I'm glad you actually tired it! I've only met one other person who could do it!
Me too because it takes A LOT to gross him out!
HA! I have no idea how I discovered it! To me, it actually feel good - stretches my feet. I didn't realize it was that weird until my hubby saw it many years ago, so I was probably just stretching and didn't even realize it was anything unique! :-)
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