Thursday, February 27, 2014

Hindsight is 20/20

My oldest daughter is 11 and she has always been rather mature for her age.  Sometimes, I say she has an old soul, meaning she is wise and mature beyond her years.  Sometimes, I also say that she is 11 going on 21.  (In fact, she is actually closer to the age of 21 than I am.  Take a minute to swallow that pill.)

The truth is, I get it.  I really do.  She is a lot like me and, when I was younger, I could not wait to grow up.  I was so anxious to leave the small town where I grew up, spread my wings, and assert my independence.  I envisioned this carefree life with lots of friends, lots of freedom, and lots of fun doing whatever I wanted to do.

But, you know what??  Being a grown up, isn't all it's cracked up to be!  Now, don't get me wrong - I know that I am blessed and I love my life (most of the time), but it is nothing like what I expected.  I wish that, for just one day, my daughter could see life through my eyes; feel things the way I feel things.  Actually, it would probably be great if I could go back in time and have my 15 year old self do the same thing.

Here are just a two of the biggest surprises that were awaiting me in adulthood:

Responsibility - Sure, I knew my parents had jobs and I knew we weren't monetarily rich, but we had everything we needed and then some, so I never really gave it much thought.  Now, I do.  Jobs, commitments, finances, and providing for my family (along with my husband) is a HUGE responsibility.  Financially, we are far better off than many people.  Just like when I was growing up, we are supremely blessed.  This I know for sure and I try not to take it for granted, ever.  But, we still cannot afford to do everything we want to do.  We have to prioritize, and plan, and budget and, sometimes, say "No."  We have to make sure there is food on the table, clothes on our backs, and that the bills are all paid.  When I was younger, I'm not sure where I thought I was going to get the money for all the things I wanted to do.  I knew I would need a job, but I never gave the finances much thought.  As an adult, it is something I have to think about daily.

Every day, my to-do list seems to get longer and longer.  We have a house and a car that need to be maintained.  We have errands to run, jobs to go to, meetings to attend, and people to take care of (including ourselves).  It is truly never-ending.  And, it can be exhausting.  

Responsibility goes far beyond money and chores, though.   I have three kids.  Along with my husband, I am responsible for their safety, their education, their health.  I am responsible for teaching them morals and ethics.  I am responsible for disciplining them and for enriching them.  It is up to us to nurture them and turn them into good, productive members of society.  There is NO responsibility in the world that can compare to or prepare you for parenthood.  None.

Love - I love my parents and my only brother.  This is, of course, very different, though, from the love I feel for my husband.  I never dated much before my husband and can't say that I have ever been "in love" with anyone else.  I met him when I was 19.  It was not love at first sight, but it is a love that has grown and deepened immensely over the years.  We've been married for the past 15 years and I absolutely cannot imagine my life without him.  It is a love that I cherish, but one that I was never able to fathom when I was younger.   

As the rhyme goes, first comes love, then comes marriage. . . .   Then comes motherhood.  I always knew I wanted to be a mom.  Always.  When I was younger, though, I didn't know this:



No matter what kind of childhood you had; no matter how much your parents loved you; no  matter how snuggly and affectionate they were, there is simply  no way to describe the love you will feel for your own child(ren).

It's kind of like this.  Imagine the best food you ever ate.  Maybe it's a cheeseburger, or pizza, or cheesecake, or apple pie.  Whatever it is - picture it; taste it.  Now describe that to someone else.  Can you do it?  Can you describe it in a way that makes them salivate as they can all but taste it on the tip of their tongue?  My guess is no.  No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to make them truly understand the experience.  Even if you use the most beautiful, eloquent, and descriptive words, they will not be able to actually taste the food you describe.  

As a parent, the love you feel for your child(ren) is powerful and all encompassing.  It is stronger than anything you can imagine and, therefore, there is simply no way to describe it in a way that allows someone else who has not experienced it to fully understand it.  I certainly didn't.

Although I always wanted to be a mom, I absolutely did not expect how much I could love another human being (or three of them!).  

As a grown up, I have experienced emotions deeper than I ever knew were possible when I was younger.  Some of them are not good, but most of them are wonderful!  None of them were on my list of "what to expect from being a grown up!"  I suppose looking forward to the perceived freedom of being an adult is natural, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20.   I hope my daughters will take time to soak in their childhoods.  I hope they will have at least some appreciation for the innocence and carefree nature of their lives at this stage.  I hope they don't wish it away anticipating bigger, better things that may or may not come to them when they grow up.

When they do grow up, I hope they find that David and I have prepared them well for the responsibilities and challenges they will face.  I hope they experience love the way I have experienced love.  And, I hope they always know that our love for them will be there whenever they need it because we will forever be their parents - even when they are all grown up!  

P.S.  Mom and Dad,  I cannot adequately express my appreciation for all you taught me, all you did for me, and how much you loved me when I was younger.  Like most kids, I didn't get it then, but I certainly do now.  I hope I am giving my girls the same - I am definitely trying my best! 

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This post is part of Finish The Sentence Friday.  FTSF is hosted by some wonderful blogging ladies.  Please give them a visit and check out all the other blogs that participate as well!

Stephanie at Mommy, for Real
Kristi at Finding Ninee
This week's special guest host is Sarah from Left Brain Buddha!


Janine's Confessions of A Mommyaholic

38 comments:

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Thanks Tarana! Finances are so frustrating. Glad you like the food analogy! :-)

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

That is definitely special. It was very hard for me to leave our first house because it is where we lived when my first two daughters were born. I remembered coming home from the hospital and walking through the door with them. Hard to let go of that!

Rachel @TaoOfPoop said...

Yes, that closer to 21 thing has to be a freak out! I was just freaking out that my daughter is closer to five than zero. I can't even begin to imagine the 21 one! I, too, wanted to be older when I was younger. It definitely isn't what I had imagined it to be, but it's pretty darn good. I wouldn't want to go back.

Chris HyeThymeCafe said...

I'm still bowled over the fact that one of my nephews got married in September. They should still be running around playing with water guns and collecting frogs and things like that!! Love that quote by Elizabeth Stone.

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Yes, they should. I don't think anyone could explain it - it's just something you have to experience.

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

I wouldn't want to go back either!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

I know! I even see friends kids and think "Um, when did she turn (whatever)? She's still supposed to be a baby!"

Sarah @ LeftBrainBuddha said...

Your love for your children just shines on your blog, so they will certainly know how much their mama loves them! And oh, yes, … we never fully realized all that our parents were responsible for!

Meredith said...

Such a sweet post, and I love the analogy of trying to compare it to a good piece of food you love! It's impossible to describe for sure. :)

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Aw! Thanks, Sarah! That might be the best blog comment I've ever gotten! :-)

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Thanks Meredith!

Jennifer Steck said...

The intense emotions are so surprising. I finally understood that I'd be willing to kill someone who wanted to hurt my child. It's kind of nice to know that our children aren't consciously aware of all the juggling it takes to keep things in order. It must mean we do a good job.

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

I like that perspective - if we are doing a good job, we make it look easy! :-)

The Dose of Reality said...

My kids are both closer to 21 than I am....I never thought of it that way but it's true! GAH!)
I love this post, Lisa. It was just beautiful and sweet...and I love your food analogy. It's just perfect! --Lisa

Stephanie Sprenger said...

You are so right- there is no way to express the encompassing love we feel for our children. And you are also right about the responsibility of adulthood- it is more complex and draining than I could have ever imagined!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Thank you!!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Yes, it is! Thanks!

Kim@Co-Pilot Mom said...

I love that quote so much - one of my favourites. I don't think there really is anyway to know what it will be like for sure - adulthood was very different from what I thought it would be, too. I remember being in such a hurry at times and then not wanting things to change either.

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

I love that quote, too. I was always in a hurry to grow up, but now I have a different perspective. :-)

Michelle Nahom said...

That looks delicious, Lisa! I'm not much of a baker either. The boys have a sweet tooth, but not so much the rest of us. However, if its there, we will all eat it. My husband is the funniest...he only takes 1/2 a piece of anything. So we are constantly finding 1/2 a cookie on the tray.

Janine Huldie said...

I am not a huge chocolate cake fan (even though I love chocolate). I know that does sound crazy, but I am more a vanilla cake and vanilla icing person. That said, this looks delicious and so easy. Another winner that I have to pin. By the way, your Chicken Chili Crockpot recipe still gets re-pinned from daily from my Pinboard and keeping meaning to tell you that. So, you must be doing something right with your Sunday Supper recipes (keep sharing them!!). Happy Sunday :)

Allison C said...

What a beautiful testament to your parents. I also love how you help people try to gather what it is like to be a parent. I always try to get people to describe what music does to them, how music makes you feel. Can't do that either!

Tamara Bowman said...

My entire family has sweet tooths! Hoo boy. Sweet teeth?
And I have a volunteering compulsion too, with blog-related stuff. I say "yes" to everything and everyone! I love it, but sometimes I bite off more than I can chew.
Happy Birthday weekend!

The Dose of Reality said...

YUM! Am pinning this right now! My mom used to make amazing bundt cakes, but I can't think of the last time I made one. I am starting with this one! :)-Ashley

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

This one is easy even for us non-bakers! :-)

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Thanks Janine! Do you know that chili recipe is my most viewed post EVER?!?! I'm sure 99% of that comes form Pinterest, so thanks for pinning all of these and for your support and friendship!

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Thanks Tamara! I definitely bite off more than i can chew far too often! :-)

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Yay! It is super easy and soooo yummy! Hope you enjoy it!

Dana said...

I don't bake for exactly the same reason Lisa. But that cake looks divine! Today my daughter baked chocolate chip cookies that I will have to resist with all my strength tomorrow.

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Yep! My mom made me a delicious chocolate trifle dessert for my birthday over the weekend. Other than when she was here, nobody but me has eaten any of it! (Good for my tastebuds, bad for my hips!)

TheMissusV said...

I wanna hug this with my mouth. Looks so yummy!

Chris Carter said...

YUM!!! I would like to have this cake in my house this weekend!! Wait- I would like to have TWO of these cakes in my house this weekend. ;)

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Ha! Chocolate overload - except you can never have too much chocolate, right?

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Me too!! You should "let" your daughter make you one! :-)

Tarana said...

Aah, I'm so hungry now! I love chocolate cake :)

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Chocolate cake is awesome!!! :-)

Kristi - Finding Ninee said...

YUM. (i will not eat cake today I will not eat cake today I will not eat cake today)

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

Ha! I almost never make this because I would eat the whole thing.

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